Sunday, 27 February 2011

Wisdom from Training Manuals

As I often teach classes at church, and find an injection of humour keeps people awake and attentive,  I'm always looking for material that one day may fit with a subject. I have loads of stuff stored on my laptop, most of it is collected while surfing the net, some of it may never see the light of day. 
The following has been stored away for a couple of years. I can no longer remember its source so they may be made up or for real, either way there is some wisdom, if not humour to be found amongst them ! 

'If the enemy is in range, so are you.'
-Infantry Journal-

 'It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed.'
- US.Air Force Manual -

'Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword, obviously never encountered automatic weapons.'
- General MacArthur -

'You, you, and you ... Panic.     The rest of you, come with me.'
- Infantry Sgt.-

 'Tracers work both ways.'
- Army Ordnance Manual-

'Five second fuses last about three seconds.'
- Infantry Journal -
'Any ship can be a minesweeper. Once.'
- Naval Ops Manual -
'Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do.'
- Unknown Infantry Recruit-
'If you see a bomb technician running, try to keep up with him.'
- Infantry Journal-

'Yea, Though I Fly Through the Valley of the Shadow of Death, I Shall Fear No Evil. For I am at 50,000 Feet and Climbing.'
- Sign over SR71 Wing Ops-

'You've never been lost until you've been lost at Mach 3.'
-Paul F. Crickmore (SR71 test pilot)-
'The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.'
-Unknown Author-

'If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage it has to be a helicopter -- and therefore, unsafe.'
- Fixed Wing Pilot-
'When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane, you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash.'
-Multi-Engine Training Manual-

 'Without ammunition, the Air Force is just an expensive flying club.'
-Unknown Author-
'If you hear me yell;"Eject, Eject, Eject!", the last two will be echos.'
If you stop to ask "Why?", you'll be talking to yourself, because by then you'll be the pilot.'
-Pre-flight Briefing from a Canadian F104 Pilot-
'What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots?
If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies; but If ATC screws up, .... the pilot dies.'
-Sign over Control Tower Door-
'Never trade luck for skill.'
-Author Unknown-

'Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground incapable of understanding or doing anything about it.'
- Emergency Checklist-
'The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world; it can just barely kill you.'
- Attributed to Max Stanley (Northrop test pilot) -

As the test pilot climbs out of the experimental aircraft, having torn off the wings and tail in the crash landing, the crash truck arrives.

The rescuer sees the bloodied pilot and asks,'What happened?'
The pilot's reply: 'I don't know, I just got here myself!'

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