Monday, 7 March 2011

Molly And Pepe




While digging in my archive of files, stories and one liners that I have been collecting from various sources over the years, I came across what's going to be today's post.
Its dedicated to Molly, my little sister and brother-in-laws doggy and Pepe my parents hound.

A few weeks ago Molly had to undergo emergency spinal surgery at a specialist veterinary surgeons and is recovering well but will take some time to get control of all those legs again ! Meanwhile Pepe has had steel pins in one of his back legs to correct a faulty knee joint and is not far off fully recovered

So if we are sitting comfortably lets begin

The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.


The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Racing me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.


I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort, however. Dogs can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.


For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years - canine attendance is not required.


The proper order for kissing is: kiss me first, then go smell the other dogs butt. I cannot stress this enough.


Finally, in fairness, dear pet I have posted the following message on the front door:


TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PET:

  1. They live here, you don't.
  2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That's why they call it "fur"niture
  3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people..
  4. To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don't speak clearly.

Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they:

  1. don't ask for money all the time
  2. are easier to train,
  3. normally come when called,
  4. don't smoke or drink,
  5. don't want to wear your clothes,
  6. don't have to buy the latest fashions,
  7. don't need a gazillion dollars for college and
  8. if they get pregnant, you can sell their children...


Get well soon Molly and Pepe !!!

3 comments:

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Duckie. said...

Like it John, just don't mention the vet bills they are a sore subject. Pepe's Dad.

Lynn said...

I love the comment about the animals racing you to the bottom of the stairs, my dog did that all the time! And the bathroom - right on the spot! If I did manage to lock the pets out for some "alone time", I'd see little white paws under the door in no time!

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