Monday, 1 August 2011

The Doctor will see you now !

Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for a certain number of beats and that's it.. Don't waste any on exercise. Everything will wear out eventually. Speeding up your heart to make it last longer is like saying you will extend the life of your car by driving faster. Therefore if you want to live longer ... Take a nap !!!

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No good!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: If you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc..

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOUR NOT LISTENING! Foods today are friend in vegetable oil, in fact they are permeated by it, vegetables are part of your five a day !

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it will get bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy?!? HEL-LO-O!! Cocoa BEANS! Another vegetable! It's the best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain a whale to me..

In summary..

Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is shape!

Well... I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets. This is a public service offered by a very nice man (Doug) who sends me occasional "funny" emails.

To go along with this excellent fitness advice,
I am pleased to announce the opening of 

RJR Online Gymnasium.

After extensive research, it seems that around 45% of all people who take out
Gym membership, never actually go !!! 
I can now offer a unique service to this market. 
DON'T pay lots for a gym you never attend ! 
Sign up now for RJR Online Gym at a MUCH lower fee of only £5 ($7) per year.
You still don't attend it just costs you LESS !!!
I know what you are thinking, how can he do this so cheap ?? 
Simple I have no equipment or staff, hence no overheads !!
To be fair when was the last time you visited your current gym ? 
Can you be sure they still have their equipment ??

source chip image  


Anonymous said...

Funny...doing less for less.

Susan Flett Swiderski said...

We recently got rid of our exercise machines. They didn't work. Turns out, we were actually expected to use the darned things.

Raejean said...

You tell me this about exercising after I spent my morning boxing and cleaning!

Lynn said...

So true! Ironically, I had two gym memberships at one time, one I paid for, and one was free through work. Guess which one I never went to? Yep - I'm part of that 45%. But, on a good note, I've been going to the free gym twice a day, most days, Monday through Friday!

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

That was funny! I know some people who would take those statements to heart at well.

Duckie. said...

I still stand by the rule I learnt in the army many years ago, don't stand up if you can sit down and don't sit down if you can lie down. Works for me and at 73 I still say if I knew I was going to live this long I would have looked after my body better.

Tara Tyler said...

i <3 house!
and i've been on your fitness plan for years =)
just one more reason you deserve an award.
stop by my place and pick it up!

Peggy Eddleman said...

Hahaha! My favorite was the body/fat ratio.

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